When I was just 18 years old, I heard what has become one of the most lasting principles of marriage that I was ever gifted with.
At a Fall retreat my freshman year at Southwest Missouri State University (now called Missouri State University... it will always be SMS to me!) I traveled with a group of fellow college students to a church camp not far from Springfield to a weekend of spiritual teaching, worship, and renewal. It was a great time of bonding, with people who would eventually become my best friends on this earth, and learning about this new adult life I was trying to live. I was single with no eye on the alternative, but for whatever reason, a breakout session on love and relationships caught my attention and I decided to attend. Being the child of divorced parents, perhaps I thought there was something I missed out on that I needed to know. I wish I could remember who the speaker was, as he deserves credit for what I am about to say, but we'll give credit to God (I'm sure the anonymous speaker won't mind) for grafting the following into my mind. He actually said a lot of things that I remember and still use in marriage counseling to this day. But what he said about divorce really hit home. He talked about how the mindset of society had changed over the decades and how divorce went from a nearly unheard of phenomenon to one that affects half of all marriages. The percentage of divorce for Christian households is almost identical to those who claim another faith or no faith at all. We all understand that God does not favor divorce (see Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:10, Luke 16:18, there are more). It is pretty clear that we should take even the threat of divorce pretty seriously. Which brings me to the statement that has stuck with me all of these years. "You should use the word divorce like you use the word murder." That statement hit me in a powerful way. He went on to say that if you ever say to your spouse, "I want a divorce" it should hold the same weight as if you had said, "I want to murder you." Can you imagine being in the middle of an argument and in your frustration spitting out, "I guess I should just murder you then!"? But the statement, "I guess we should get a divorce" comes off the lips of quarreling couples all the time. Most of the time they don't mean it or at least don't follow through with it. But it gets said, and it causes great damage to the relationship. There a a lot of things we say in fights that hurt our spouse and cause damage to their emotions and the relationship. But the d-word represents a tearing apart of the relationship. It says, "I am unwilling to protect you." It goes a step further and says, "I am willing to murder this relationship." Words are powerful. They are powerful in the mind and on the lips. Even thinking about divorce should be equated with thinking about murder. Would you sit around planning to murder someone, dwelling on what impact murder might have on your life, consult a lawyer so that you can minimize the damage of murdering someone? How would murder affect the kids? As a society we have done the opposite. We have removed the seriousness of divorce and normalized it. We have made it commonplace and acceptable. I don't imagine you or I are going to change the tide of society on this topic. But you can change how YOU think about it, how YOU speak about it. If you have used this word against your spouse, plead for forgiveness as you would if you had tried to kill them. Rebuild the broken trust and torn relationship. Work to build a safe and compassionate environment in your home. Fight with an eye toward reconciliation.
Adam Harshman, MS, LPC
Therapist, Author, Speaker, Thanks for reading! If you found this helpful, check out more posts at www.revivemarriage.com or check us out on Facebook or Twitter.
11 Comments
wendy ruth
5/15/2021 11:04:49 am
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Prissy Zamora
6/8/2021 08:29:00 pm
Get Your Ex Lover Back No Matter Why He Left You”
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jasmine robert
7/5/2021 02:14:21 pm
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Ann Kelley
1/5/2022 05:48:44 pm
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6/12/2022 12:08:33 am
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SCOTT WYCOFF
6/14/2022 08:06:26 pm
Hi, did you know there are spells to win love back from an ex. I have done it. I love reading about relationships and how to make them work, how to better the relationship, and how to keep the spark alive, even how to talk to them a certain way to get them to think a different way about the situation and you. If you need advice or want to win your ex back, try DR EMU copy and message on the following ( Email: emutemple@gmail.com ) or ( WhatsApp: +2347012841542 ) It will change your mentality and get you what you want. Facebook page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple- 104891335203341
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Stephanie Jane
12/14/2022 04:34:10 am
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cindybyrd
1/15/2023 03:12:28 am
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Martha Stewart
1/16/2023 11:41:20 am
Good day to everyone reading this! I am Martha Stewart from Blue Ridge, Georgia, and I want to write a testimony on this website about how I was helped through infertility with spell casting. My journey was not an easy one being unable to get pregnant until I came across this email odungaspelltemple@gmail.com about how it has saved most marriages from the brink of divorce due to infertility. My husband and I do engage in outdoor activities by the countryside and seeing other families enjoy and have fun with their kids wasn't an easy task for me and I felt lost. We did have therapy sections having to cope with endometriosis stage 4. Almost giving up hope as a woman of 54 years, I decided to give it a try and see if it can be good to be true and alas it is a wonderful experience. I am a mother of twins today, a boy and a girl and I write this with a bundle of joy in my heart. I believe there are many women looking for opportunities on how to get fertile with most infertility blogs but I came to see that only Dr. Odunga can solve any problem with his fast and reliable work.
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Josie Wilson
2/11/2023 08:14:49 pm
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Sheila Donnell
3/22/2023 06:45:55 am
My purpose out here today is to share this article to the world about how Doctor Odunga helped me in getting back my EX-boyfriend who broke up with me 4 months ago. I tried all I could to make him see reasons with me so that we can continue our relationship but he denied me. Thank God for giving me the thought of going into the internet for help, I searched properly and I saw different reviews of Doctor Odunga and I insisted on giving it a try by contacting him via what's app on (+2348167159012). He gave me reason to live again and he prepared a spell and told me that my Ex-boyfriend will come back to me within 28 hours. Can you believe it, my EX-boyfriend came back to me and our wedding will be held Soon. Contact him now!!! if you need any help. Email: odungaspelltemple@gmail.com and he does a lot of spells. Once again i want to say am very grateful for your help
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